By Communication Consultant Lili Tang (Accounting and BIS, ’22)

Have you ever disagreed with a group member(s) during a meeting but ended up not speaking up at all? It’s a common experience! But what triggers this norm of unwillingness to speak up during discussions?

Leadership and organization coach Betsy Kauffman emphasizes the importance of candid conversations in a group. In her TED Talk, Kauffman refers to people who prefer to discretely text and discuss with others afterwards rather than speaking up during meetings as passive-aggressive. When such conversations happen behind the scenes, it is hard for group leaders or other members to notice them. The result could be a vicious cycle in the team environment, contributing little to advance the team’s tasks.

Though it may be uncomfortable doubting or disagreeing with others, productive communication is always helpful and essential to a working team. With such an objective in mind, Kauffman suggests four practice strategies: confidence, intent, delivery, and striving to seek a solution.

Confidence sets the foundation for opening up the conversation. Kauffman mentions “The Captain Obvious Strategy”: leading with “Call me Captain Obvious, but…” before bringing up a point of disagreement. Such an approach helps check if other members are encountering the same issues or having similar opinions in a humorous way, implicitly enabling others to join in the conversation. At the same time, you need to be aware of and understand your intent of sharing your “truthful” thoughts, which would make your message more likely to be received with an open mind.

Furthermore, Kauffman emphasizes a process for telling a team member that they are not keeping up with their commitment to the team. Framing our message in direct, factual, and emphatic language will strengthen the effectiveness of the conversation as we allow the team to be more comfortable to share opinions, and help everyone keep up at the same pace.

• Direct – “Hey team, we have not met any of our commitments over the past several weeks.”
• Factual – “We’ve looked at these data that show you [specific team member] have not met your commitment.”
• Empathetic – “We are concerned that you do not have everything that you need and that we need to do something better to support you.”

Last but not least, it is necessary to develop the conversation with a mindset of seeking a solution. Rather than asking random questions and solely listing the issues, proposing alternative solutions and following up would push the conversation forward, as well as providing opportunities for everyone to work through options together. “We’ve/I’ve come to realize that we are currently facing…, but what if we could … and …, we are going to be able to solve it and eventually meet our goals. What do you guys think?”

We will always encounter situations in which we need to muster up the courage to say something. Stepping outside of our comfort zone is not always easy, but we should not ignore the power of speaking up. According to Kauffman, “once it’s said, that’s when the real conversations start to happen.”

If you are interested to learn more or have any concerns regarding related topics, please email us or schedule an appointment to meet with one of our Communication Consultants.

Get information and resources about our center at The Philip Rauch Center for Business Communication.