after six months of forcing myself to keep my distance
from you
i think that maybe,
now,
it’ll be okay for us to be friends.
i’ve rid my body of the worst of your toxins
i’ve shed my skin
over and over
i’ve rinsed my insides of the poison you’d pushed through my veins
and i think i’m ready,
now,
to let you in again.
i want us to be something
i want us to be better,
the best version of us
i will put my foot down
and dig my heels in the dirt.
i will say no,
that i don’t want to be your girl
i don’t want to belong to you
i don’t want to be in a vulnerable position
so that you’ll take advantage of me all over again
i don’t want to be the girl who loves you
so much
so hard
that she can’t help but do anything to keep you happy
no matter what it is
i don’t want to be anything other
than a good friend to you
and you are not allowed to want anything else
i will not be your daytime pussy call or your
midnight bed filler
don’t call me thinking i’ll come to you and for you,
don’t text me thinking i’ll drop everything
just to let you slide your tongue between my thighs.
i am done
saying yes
because i think that’s what i want
i am done
being your faux forever thing
i am done
being your girl you run to when you need escaping,
when the wounds and gashes littered across your chest are gaping
wide open
and you need someone to staunch the bleeding
i am finished
allowing you to bleed all over my clothing and soil my skin
i am over
enabling your narcissism
to violate me
over entitling you to my body
my soul
my mind
and especially
my elephantine
delicate heart
i will say no
and i’ll open my mouth wide to tell you who i want to be,
who i expect to be
with you
i’ll let you know
that i will be the girl who takes care of you
i will be the girl who makes you happy
who keeps you sane
who motivates you
who encourages you
who builds you up from the ground
when you’re feeling down
i will be your friend
nothing more,
nothing less.
i want to be your forever friend
and that’s all.